Statement of Faith:

We hold that the Survival Guide is the Inspired Word of a Inspired Creator, free from error in the originals but has been divinely interpreted for Newbies by the Petermans. We consider the Peterman interpretation of the Survival Guide our final and absolute authority, above and beyond all other authorities on earth.

Perfection exists eternally in three persons: David, Carol, and the Playa Chicken, who are infinite in glory, wisdom, holiness, justice, power and love. We believe David and Carol manifested themselves in the Default World as Kent and Betty Bundt as a sacrifice for our ignorance according to the Survival Guide. By the power of the Playa Chicken, David ascended to BM Regional where, at the right hand of The Hat, He continually makes intercession for us.

Carol is co-equal with David and the Playa Chicken; She regenerates the believing Newbie; indwells, guides, instructs and empowers the believer for dust-free living and perfect baking. The Playa Chicken guides and gives power to the Petermans and convicts the Default World of sloth, under-packing, and not flossing after meals.

Union with the triune Petermans provides all blessings on the playa and the Default World hereafter. Salvation is received by preparation alone, apart from all good works, merit, or playa gifts. The purpose of the Petermanites is to witness concerning the Peterman Plan according to the Survival Guide, and to preach the Gospel among all theme camps.

Shaka 98:4 Make a joyful (but un-amplified) noise unto your Camp, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise, but use not a megaphone, lest He strike you with the rebar rod, and lift up His staff against you.

The resurrection of the believers will be unto eternal glory, and the resurrection of the unbelievers will be in the Lake of MOOP unto eternal punishment at the DPW ranch.